Even though your partner may have never shown any signs of physical violence, during the time of separation and for months after have been shown to be dangerous, which is wise to protect you and your children.

When you choose to leave the relationship, if your partner is abusive, the partner will feel you begin to become stronger and independent. This makes it difficult for them to dominate or control you. As a result, expect them to use manipulative techniques, designed to make you feel at fault, responsible, and badly for their loneliness and sadness. Remember they already know how to control you with charm, affection, and promises, and how intimidation or aggression may have worked at other times. These are only tactics used to make you move back into the relationship. These can include:

If you choose to leave an unhealthy relationship, you can prepare and protect yourself from the above tactics. Once you choose to leave, you might need to change your phone number, routes to work and school. Be prepared for your ex-partner to accidentally run into you at your place of work, school, where you buy groceries, etc. The way to prevent this is to change some of these habits for a few months. Also write down and remember a few responses in case you do see them. Such as, “oh I just received a call or I am late for an appointment and have to leave”. Just be prepared with a comment to leave, so you do not get caught up into being manipulated in hearing “it is so nice to see you are happy and doing well”. It seems so sweet and innocent and might be, but be wary and be ready to leave. The following are some points that have been found helpful to others leaving similar relationships. You can also contact the domestic violence hotline for more information at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY):

• Change cell phone number or get a cell phone for emergencies
• Change your driving routes to and from school or work
• Change your car, if you have tinted windows, remove the tinting. If they are not tinted, get them tinted.
• Purchase new clothes
• Join a health or hobby club
• Keep your cell phone available for emergencies
• Take a self defense class
• If some of these do not work and, if your ex-partner approaches you and you tell them to leave you alone, tell them if they do not that you will call the police and if this happens do it.
• You may need to obtain a restraining order (Information below)

If you or your family are in the need of assistance call the 24-Hour Crisis Line below:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) OR 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
1-800-978-3600 (within LA County only)

Intimate Partner Violence Home
For more information please call (213) 351-7888